A Space For All

The horrible truth..

2010-08-24T10:55:00.002+08:00

Yes. I have never travelled anywhere other than Malaysia and maybe only once to Thailand.

I reeks faintly of the 'i-don't-know-anything-about-travelling' smell.

I have never even been to Singapore. The so called 'glamour' place to be at nearest to Malaysia.

So what? It might be only me that is feeling this way but i'm certain that I am being undermine.

What's the big deal? I love being at home. I love spending my money on foods and travelling... but just not now... :s

Now is the time for me to look for more money. Ok, the word 'look' is abit weak. WORK HARD are better.

Or should i be travelling regardless of my future plans?

hmm...

where is it?

2009-11-12T20:45:00.002+08:00

Yay, i graduated. From UPSR.

What's next? PMR? Yay i did that too.

Next? SPM? Been there done that.

STPM? Boring...

A Degree? zzzzzzzzzz

A job? ( **faints** )

Backtracking

2009-10-13T00:56:00.002+08:00

What is the worst moment one can have in life?

Is it when you gotta take a pee during class in 4th grade but didn't manage to do so as you're too scared to asked the teacher?

Is it when you've mustered enough courage to ask the girl you've been secretly having crush on for the past 3 years for a date just to be turned down right away?

Sigh. Sometimes I'd like to believe there are larger things than that of the above.

It's the feeling I get when i seem to be fast forwarding my life. Things that i used to enjoy doesn't seem attractive to me anymore. And why is it so?

Working Life

2009-09-28T17:08:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i just keep thinking and wonder,

Is this what i want?

Is this the job that i'd like to grow up in?

But then again, working is not about constant demand from the employee i.e ME.

Prove whats' your worth and then speak.

:-)

I make em' good day goes bad..

2009-09-19T20:16:00.002+08:00

It has always been in my dictionary that a perfect day could turn awfully into a bad day.

Not only that day, probably the following day.

And maybe days after too.

Bing

2009-09-18T12:51:00.002+08:00

If anyone had not known yet, i've changed my job. I am currently back in Kl working as a software developer cum technical consultant. I wouldn't be over excited over the job as i am really noobish to start off with. :s

Sigh.

Life Changing

2009-08-17T18:05:00.000+08:00

I've had more than a few life changing experience for the past few weeks.

I'm hoping all these will last :-)

A good end for the bad day

2009-07-24T22:55:00.003+08:00

It was raining heavily this morning as i leave in my bright red Ford for work.

The traffic went from bad to worse. "What a good way to start the last working day of the week!", i said to myself.

Then when i reached my company, parked my car and wet my shoes the very moment i stepped out. Great.

Entered the office looking like the little mermaid who just got her fins turned into a pair of legs. ICAR report still not done. Great.

Worked, worked and worked till 4.50 pm. Entered Department 3's clean room to monitor production till 5.30 pm. Got a call from wire bond engineer,"Can i pass the report to you tonight? you can still read it at home,". "NO, today's the tenth day already; wayy passed the cycle time for the report. Please finish it by 6.30 pm ? Thanks. " I replied.

Waited till 6.30pm. Still no report. Called just to be greeted by the system's reply, "The number you have dialled is unavailable at the moment. Please try later." Grrrr

As you can see, i was having a bad day.

But as i was leaving, the rain has stopped. The sky is clear and invitingly beautiful. I stopped in my track and just stared blanky to the sky for a few minutes.

Just like that, i'm smiling again. :')

2009-07-02T20:47:00.003+08:00

I remembered one opening article of a book by Michael Connelly, "The Poet" which was by Stephen King, an author known for his supernatural and horror stories. There was a sentence that struck me deep, left a mark and stayed on till today.

"..if you want to be good at writing be it short story or a novel, just keep on writing.."

It did not reflects to me that Stephen King is good with words. Rather i was inspired by the fact that such amazing person was able to describe something that even the smartest psychologist in the world couldn't explain.

I used to see people telling other people how talent is a must have to be a writer. And that particular person will start telling the others how talent is a must to be a writer. Soon, the whole world will think so. Imagine that. The next thing we can see is the increasing number of people; again blaming the fact that they're not talented that they can't write a good piece.

Shine

2009-06-14T21:08:00.003+08:00

Ever since my memory started to take a hold, all i could ever remember was being a shy, introvert and charmless boy. I remember not having my opinions considered. I remember not getting the present i wanted for my birthday cause my brother had wanted something on that very same day. But i also remembered my brother and sisters taking care of me and having fun together all the time. Grudges and fights usually only lasts a day or 2. Never longer. All in all, i had quite a blessed primary, being the only chinese in the school; i had to speak Malay most of the time rendering the fluent BM and one more thing, the usually friendliness i had with the Malays rather than the chinese.

So when i entered my secondary period, where it's mostly chinese and everyone speaks English. I felt like a Martian which had landed just minutes ago. Fresh on Earth, i just smiled to everyone i saw. And then i overheard a Malay guy saying " Budak ni, entah bodoh ke cacat; asyik senyum je". Boy was i angry. But i couldn't show it. It was like the ability to speak was suck out of me. No, i can't. This isn't my place.

My mother had been a housewife for years and couldn't join me during the registration day. My dad had to work and only my eldest sis brought me there; and she left right after she made sure that i was comfortable in my seat near the registration booth. I was horrified by the idea of having to be in a new place; completely unknown to me. Which explains my pacification.

From that point onwards in my life, i realise something that my parents and my previous school had protected me from. There are plenty of smarter people in the world. (Victoria Institution being a premier school; students had to be top scorers and all rounders to be admitted) Also people with charisma and ways with people. I was stunted. A complete stop to my previous idea of being in the spot light. The kids here rides Mercs and Beemer to school. Had 10 ringgits just for their lunch. Me; in comparison just had 2 ringgits (1.20 for the train ride and 30 cents for the station bus ride home) Which means having 10 ringgits is like being a millionaire to me.

I didnt know why kids my age (14 in Form2) bought expensive gifts during the 14th day of the second month of the year. Gucci, Calvin Klein and Nike was gibberish to me. I rarely hang out with friends after school. (VI was in the heart of KL where most shopping complex is within walking distances) The truth is, i was short of money and i couldn't answer to their call for an outing. There was once when i deprived my self of lunch the whole week just to save 50 cents a day. And i got 10 ringgits a month saved. That went on for a while until i finally managed to buy my very first originial CD.(RM 34.90) I was happy.

Then in Form3, when my pocket money had finally increased to Rm5 a day; everything was still in slow motion. I'd eat Rm 1 in the canteen and saved up 2 ringgits a day. That's Rm40 a month. That went on for a while too. Until i saved enought to get my very own CD player.

The truth is; i was never good hanging out with people. I could never charm girls. I was not a good looking kid. And i had nothing more than 1 ringgit to spare. I had always envied kids that had parents fetching them home. Kids that are good with words and always able to joke about anything and had a bunch of people always following them. That was really things i couldn't do and never really can still today.

Then i realized, i rather be myself happily rather than trying to someone that i'm not. I was the first to have a CD player among the kids in my school. Which comes from my own money. I realized i had something within me that other kids doesn't have. At that very moment, i know that i am already who i have always wanted to be.

Not perfect and always working hard to be :) Never the centre of attention but tried to live to the expectation. Liked having real friends. Friends that matters :)

Lost

2009-06-02T19:39:00.003+08:00

I'm so lost.

Can someone help me?

I just dont know what to do anymore..

Ipoh - First Sweat

2009-05-30T20:56:00.002+08:00

For those who have not known yet, I've move up to Ipoh. Not exactly a happy decision. But wells, i dont wanna be contributing to the country's statistical count of unemployed local graduates. Nevertheless, life's been all about work since the past 2 weeks.

I'm a QRA Engineer which for the time being is under intensive and stupendous training. The thing about this position is; it is a requirement for me to know everything. Yes, E-V-E-R-Y-THING.

How this is done, how that is done, what are the process yield, what to look for if there's error , so on and so forth. The paper works required to complete the job.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. It's fun to be paid to learn. And i dont exactly hate it either. It's fun to know that if anything goes wrong, i have to be the first person to have answers for it. See what i mean?

~So i'm hoping to sing along, tho it's not my favourite song~lalala...

Unanimousity??

2009-05-13T15:15:00.003+08:00

I recently had the luxury of meeting back some of my old friends.But hmmm, I wouldn't say it's a luxury as i've called them to mention me leaving to Ipoh for work.

In a way, I'm really not the type of person that seeks attention. It's just that since i'm leaving KL to be working in Ipoh for GOD knows how long, i thought i'd at least mentioned it to some of my closest friends.

With a tight schedule, when i got to know that i'll be starting work on 18th it was already 11th of May; naturally i'd want to meet some of them, at least to say a proper goodbye or so. Unbecknownst to me, the friendship(s) i thought we shared was only one sided. Let me describe a phone call i've made recently;

"Hey man, heard u're back in KL. How's things?"

"Oh, i'm fine here, starting work on monday for my Industrial Training"

"Cheh, larnsee (kidding tone) , hehe.. so i've got a job in Ipoh..starting work in 18th..just thought i'd let you know"

Now this is where the conversation's starting to surprise me to a new level.

"So you're savoring your last week in KL trying to meet up as much ppl as possible? "

*surprised by his response*

"Well yeah, if you're free then let's come out yumcha la"

"NO, sorry i cant. Busy today and internship starting next week. Bye"

do..do..do..

He hanged up? I was like wtf???? I've known him for more than a 3 years and this is how he treats me? I'm not saying that he should be like come out even tho he is busy, I was just trying to catch up with someone i take as a friend. Or WAS a friend. The least he can do is patronise me a little. :S

This really turns my happy week into a sad last week in KL. I have heard of the phrase " People change" so many times before but i never believed it. I know that people dont change. As i never did. Or at least they could change for the better.

I have lost faith in these kinds of people ady.

Shoo shoo, go away YOU evil spirit.

Leaving on a Honda...

2009-05-10T12:54:00.003+08:00

All my bags are packed,

But I'm not ready to go,

I am standing here without a core,

I hate to call you up to say goodbye.

But my dog is barking,

He's running around,

He wetting my pants by licking them out,

Already i'm so lonesome i could die...

So leave me but smile for me,

Tell me that you wont cry for me,

Dont hug me if you ever gonna cry,

Cause i'm leaving on a Honda,

Dont know when i'll be back again,

Oh please, i am dreaded to go.

There's so many times i've kicked you down,

So many times, I've pushed you around,

I tell you now they dont really mean a thing,

Everyplace i go i'll be dissing you,

Every song i sing i'll make joke about you,

when i come back i wont be bringing any RING'git,

So leave me but smile for me,

Tell me that you wont cry for me,

Dont hug me if you ever gonna cry,

Cause i'm leaving on a Honda,

Dont know when i'll be back again,

Oh please, i am dreaded to go.

Now the time has come for me to leave you,

One more time for me to joke about you,

Close your eyes it still wont go away,

Even with the days that's coming around,

Dont even think about being alone,

I'll still call even when i'm awayyy..

So leave me but smile for me,

Tell me that you wont cry for me,

Dont hug me if you ever gonna cry,

Cause i'm leaving on a Honda,

Dont know when i'll be back again,

Oh please, i am dreaded to go....

To go....

Pinch = a dash of reality?

2009-05-03T23:44:00.002+08:00

What's in your head?

A question that is often asked by my coursemates and close friends. I can say that I am not a day dreamer. I am absolutely not blur; unless if you do meet me on my low brain juice day. Nonetheless, I think what happens to me is that i always have this weird imagination going on in my head when i start assembling a crowd inside that start conversing to each other.

They'll start discussing the good or bad of a matter that has been in my head or just plainly making conversation.

Pathetic. I know. Weird. Yours truly.

I think i need a pinch to get back to reality. Maybe i'm too used to spending time alone.

Jeez, better start seeing ppl more often. =.=""

Post Graduation Entry

2009-04-23T21:35:00.004+08:00

I know this is probably the best time to write this.

There were alot of shoulda-coulda-wouldas in my life that i've always pondered on.

But entering UPM is a whole other thing.

I'm glad to know my first roommate, the closest to me is SIMON YYY la... he might be a jerk sometimes... but hell we both are..haha... but honestly i think we share some similarities. Just what i think :0

Then comes GOH MING ... the ever elusive and mysterious one.. all in all he's still a friend.

Eric Wong is the 3rd guy i'd like to mention. Very reserved. I like the way he bring himself around. A large contrast of myself. A real good friend to have.

Sylvie Wong. Pardon you, she's not Eric's sis. They only share the same surname. The first girl i saw in UPM. hehe. If i remember well she didnt have a really good first impression of me. A nice and sweet girl. Very hardworking and abit of a perfectionist also. :) Not a bad thing really.

Angel Ooh~! Funny n blurry girl. Hehe..she'll kill me when she sees this. But she's quite a girl. I mean it in the good way. Let's play guitar together some times!

Lee Kean aka Bear - paling ngm song her. Hahahahahaa... no la..... kidding saje. I always kacau her punya. Jangan marah lah. Keep in touch !

Yee Shin! She's the girl that told me i looked larnsee during the first year. Hahaa...very friendly. Drives like a pro sometimes.

Ah Fai.. he is a guy i rasa paling =.="" ....gay... hahahahahaha... Kidding la. Abit on the sensitive side only i think. Keep in touch also lah! Since u working in PJ.

Ah Jeng .. I take this chance to really say sorry lah cause i broke ur glasses during first sem. Dunno who's fault also but let's end it here. :) Nice guy! I still remember kampar trip. Haha..

Nearly forgot... Ser Yee aka 941... hyper girl..! Always ejek me... haha.. but also very fun to be with! Thanks for the Malacca trip! :) :)

There's more actually, but the closest ones are the above. But dont worry those worth mentioning is still a friend! :) Ah How, Man Cheng, Soya, Yeevon, Ah Beng, Kelvin Lau!(RObocop no need sleep punya!),Miss KAM, Panjang, Bising and more! Cant think of all ppl in uni.

But i'd say i hope these ppl can keep in touch! Life's too short to be forgeting so many ppl. And dont worry about the order. It really doesnt mean anything. :)

Deluded

2009-04-16T23:52:00.002+08:00

For quite some time now, there is not one thing that ceases to amuse me except for one. One thing. No, it's not a thing. One scenario. Yes, that gives off more of a conditional feel to it.

There is this one scenario in everyday's life that seems to be oblivious to people around themselves. I, for one have witness countless scenarios of such that it has seeped into my brain as how A is always associated with apple.

It's about the relationship among individuals that supposed to be related but always seems to be separated by this one word, LOVE. For various reasons unknown to me, scenarios of such often happens in today's society. In short, my generation.

In the beginning, I have often wondered; Why can't one person just love the other without reason? As often enough, most people equates love with reason. Why must you love your father? Because he pays the bill? Because he give you all the money you need? or because he raise you up unconditionally?

As much as I despise such reasoning, I can't stop thinking the very same thing could be happening to me. Why do I love my mom? Why do I love my dad? Must I?

The answer never came to me. As time passes, more and more of such similar scenario occured to me. Logic wise, equating one thing for another with reason is very much acceptable for today's mind. For example, like Newton's First law of motion, for every cause, there must be an effect. The reason being, the energy that causes the motion must be transfered to somewhere. In this case the 'somewhere' being the effect. Which can be anything from a broken vase, to a broken leg.

For a moment in my life, I'd actually thought science does make sense after all. One could even apply science in religion. Don't you think the Newton law is conspicuously similar to what Buddhist believes as 'Karma'? Voila, problems solved. For every action you do to another, it will always come back to you. But this still doesn't explain why some prominent scientists are able to learn so much, but teach so much lesser back to the community. Apart from reaping the fruits of their labour. Selling their knowledge for money.

Coming back to my main story, yes; for a moment in my life I did thought that science can actually explain everything. But as i grew older, i realize that eventhough science can be applied to almost everything that is happening today, it fails in one most important but neglected issue. It is the most basic, primitive instinct that we, humans possess. EMOTION.

How can one explain why a child who loves their parents so much can be leaving them alone to celebrate Christmas every year?

How can Einstein explain why a 75 years old grandpa who lived his whole life loving his wife, his daughter but choose to rape his 10 years old granddaughter?

From that point onwards, things has never been clearer. There will never be a single answer for every question. Emotion is what one shows to another human being. Afflicted by both sides' emotion, there are 4 possible cause and effect now. It is entire impossible to explain that.

There is a saying, ' If you love her, let her go'. Now how can science or basic emotion explain this? Logically if you want something, you will work your hardest to attain it. Furthermore, there is no need to explain about our basic emotion. Having to love someone is to only wish that their love is accepted and returned. And still, why is this happening?

Insomnia

2009-04-08T16:08:00.000+08:00

I am GOD’S CHILD
Set down upon this decayed Earth
How do I live on such a field?
This isn’t why I was born...

My stride succumbs to a sudden gust of wind
It seems like I’ll fall any moment
But these chains won’t allow it

Having surrendered up my heart to you
My feelings for you now lay scattered about
I still don’t know how to pick them up

I am GOD’S CHILD
Set down upon this decayed Earth
How do I live on such a field?
This isn’t why I was born...

Talk more about your ‘reasons’
Until I fall asleep

I’m swathed in medicine that doesn’t work
Here, there is no sound,
What should I believe in?

I am GOD’S CHILD
These sounds of anguish leave scars on my back
I can’t hang out this world
It’s my only thought: I have no place anywhere

Discomfort, a bitterly cold wall,
What will the next thing to weaken me?
Don’t reach out your hand, even at the end
You, of all people, will rescue me

From the silence

Time will speed the pain

I am GOD’S CHILD
Set down upon this decayed Earth
How do I live on such a field?
This isn’t why I was born...

I am GOD’S CHILD
These sounds of anguish leave scars on my back
I can’t hang out this world
It’s my only thought
I have no place anywhere

video link HERE

Five little pigs

2009-04-04T21:08:00.003+08:00

I have always try to make myself known to be one that likes to divulge in mind games. But never was i good in puzzles, solving the rubic cubes and maybe even IQ questions. But then again, i was not interested in all those but one. The study of crime psychology. As this paragraph sounding more and more like a paragraph one wrote in a textbook, I would not tell you why but i will share a story from the Queen of Crime herself; Dame Agatha Christie's - Five Little Pigs. This detective fiction was derived from a nursery rhyme "five little piggy" as some of the other novels of the dame would be.

This little piggy went to market,

This little piggy stayed at home,

This little piggy had roast beef,

This little piggy had none.

And this little piggy went...

"Wee wee wee" all the way home...

While the story has no whatsoever connection to the nursery rhyme apart from the fact that 5 five little pigs where actually in connection to a case that happened 14 years ago. Hercule Poirot was presented a case where a woman was convicted and hanged 14 years ago as she was found to have poisoned her husband to death. Interestingly enough, this happened as the five little pigs were at the scene of the crime. How would Poirot solve the case this time? I would suggest to my friends who will be reading this entry to watch it on youtube. :) Cheers~!

Here's the link to "Five Little Pig"

More than words, more than friends

2009-03-29T22:14:00.002+08:00

Now, the fact that my blog is not a constant pit stop for most people gives me the idea of comfort to reveal some of the stuffs i've been keeping inside since; forever.

The thing is, I have a story about of me during me freshmen years in UPM.

The first day i was there, i saw this girl. She's clearly different from the others. Clear eyes with an obvious fire within. The spirit that no other freshie girls have. That was what at first attracted me.

Then i started befriending her, which in return confided in me in almost everything. The first time she called me, she cried. Her heart was broken by this two timing guy named David. Apparently that guy still dated her when he already had a girlfriend. Man i hated that guy. That was the very first time i saw her cry. The same thing happened again not long after. This time i managed to make her smile. Boy i was happy.

We then hang out almost all the time. We had dinner together, she'd call me a few times a week. I was convinced that i'll will tell her what i wanted to say when the time comes. But the thing is, she thinks i liked her room mate. Which was true except for the part where i actually liked her first. That was before i knew she liked this David guy. Bah, this is complicated. Just like this movie "Definitely, maybe" .

I wanted to be more than a friend. But it didnt worked. She was starting to alienate me. That was when i was most devastated. I guess that's where it ends. It never worked, and now we're not even friends. :S

Pathetic ain't I?

Beleaguered

2009-03-19T01:01:00.002+08:00

Yes,

I have finally awaken from my deep slumber,

All along i was occupied with nothing but tests,

Something which i find a simple blunder.

Miracles happen to those who wished,

Granting anything from a straight A to scholarships,

Although sometimes I take it as a good deed,

People tend to treat it as sunken ships.

The time has come for me to end,

this horribly sounding and hard to read,

piece of my mind i would love to call it,

Nevertheless it is a gift from a sincere heart,

To a friend indeed.

2008-11-27T21:36:00.002+08:00

the truth is , i feel very much alone.

there's so much going on out there.

and i'm here alone.

It's gets harder to breathe by time.

there's so much craziness surrounding me.

till i've lost sight of where i want to go.

i can't find the words,

you teach my heart to speak.

homeless

2008-11-01T19:25:00.002+08:00

waiting here in this rain fall,

feeling so small,

this dream was not suppose to break.

I'm so sorry now for the pain i caused you.

no vacancy, just emptiness in this cold...

I'm walking aimlessly,

without a shell on my soul..

without your love,

my heart is homeless..

Warning..!

2008-10-23T11:10:00.002+08:00

Stop it please.

for the first time in my life,

i'm not greedy,

so please stop it.

I'm begging you.

Warning..!

2008-10-23T11:10:00.001+08:00

Stop it please.

for the first time in my life,

i'm not greedy,

so please stop it.

I'm begging you.

Lost LOVE

2008-10-23T10:53:00.003+08:00

If you can no longer recall your first dream,

Is it because that you have become an adult?

Always lost,

wondering if you should go left or right..

Thinking endlessly until the sun reaches the grass.

The one thing you have in your pocket,

it's large,this LOVE that you carry.

I'm on a journey towards my dream,

flying towards that distant star,

playing and singing about my lost dream,

and struggling to reach you,

My LOVE.

When will it be over?

2008-10-20T20:54:00.004+08:00

I grew up knowing facts and sayings like:-

1~ Honesty is the best policy

2~The truth hurts

3~Life isn't always fair

4~We are who we are

5~Never regret on something you've decided later

6~You never get everything right, but you will never get everything wrong

7~Changes start with what we decide

but now i'm no where practising what i've known. :(

Perfect

2008-10-04T23:39:00.002+08:00

no this is not taken from the Simpleplan song,

this what i'll say in full sarcasm when i feel bad about something.

Sometimes when i stroll along the roads,

i see a couple holding hands,

lovingly talk to each other,

"Perfect" - i'll say.

When i hang out among friends that,

are already attached, and when they feel akward talking about things,

things that involved relationships in front of me just so to make me feel comfortable,

"Perfect" - is the one word i had in mind.

When an argument gets heated up with a friend,

and somehow somewhere he's losing it,

he start blabering things like - "at least i have a girlfriend"

Perfect. Truly Perfect.

Day 2 - Cameron Highlands

2008-10-02T20:01:00.008+08:00

Day 2 - 27th September 2008

To be honest i've never been to Cameron much less hear about it. Everyone goes to Genting Highlands, Cameron is so lame!

Just kidding... well it was definitely fun. Here's the scoop.

Around the middle of our tiny trip to Cameron, our group got so hyped up with the flowers that each of them snap a photo themselves with a pot of flowers.

Here's Simon with some funny looking white flowers.

Sylvia with some pinkish flowers.

Eric; who were kinda sick that day mistaken a baby rocking chair for a flower pot.

Sigh. Get some rest man.

Of course, not wanting to lose to my friends, i took 2 pots myself.

Which kinda look like my hair style. Messy and spiky.

Simon got too high that he mistaken this cactus for his.. *ehem*

As a punishment for being profane, we forced him to sit on a cactus.

Hehehe..

more Cameron pics to come :)

Kampar Day 1

2008-10-01T20:48:00.006+08:00

Day 1 - 26th September 2008

I was having a fit. Couldn't stand the pressure of city life and pressure from projects as well as assignments. Called up friends and we head up to Kampar, Perak almost immediately.............

***

****

*****

*******

*****

***

after 1 whole semester of planning. =.="

That's us, the physics students..definitely not the best time to correct our lackadaisical life..

So yeah! KAMPAR!

Taken the very moment we reach Kampar

As we glide through the busy street, i can't help noticing most of the shops are empty just like the one above.

The curry chicken in bread - "Min Pao Kai" from Yau Kee Restaurant

The taste? Oh~ so intricate..can't possibly explain... XD

Lata Kinjang

The water is not exactly clean but it's definitely cold :)

The guys. ( girls were hesistant =.=")

More to come

undivided

2008-09-16T15:40:00.001+08:00

call me slow,

call me blur,

call me-not-a-monday-person(i'm unusually blur on mondays),

call me loyal,

call me faithful,

there's no doubt to everyone that i'm a one-thing-at-a-time kind of guy.

So help me :)

Ironic

2008-08-31T12:33:00.002+08:00

There's always seems to be things that one can or can't do. When people say live life to the max , or live life full, what do they really mean?

On the contrary, living life to the fullest means there will be sacrifices to be made. For example, if you saying travelling around the world would made your life full, where will the money comes from? Your parents? Your savings? If it is so, what will happen to your future if you did travel around the world? It'll take at least 3 months (i presume) and what will happen to work?

Much to my dismay, I'm one of those that believe living life to the fullest means travelling to places you've never been. I've been a fan of culture since World Civilization classes was introduced in high school. I'd love to chart the whole world's culture if someone would just give me the chance and money. I'd love to backpack to India, trekking in Nepal, sight seeing in Europe, fancy myself with tech-gadgets in Japan, sun-bathing in Rio , to actually try out "Big Apple" in Big Apple and more!

To add to the heat, i actually love to write. Almost as much to everything i've seen, heard and tasted. What changed me? Why, i took a Physics major cuz it had better prospects (according to my siblings). I turn down a pilot-course offer by MAS just so i could take care of my mom. I chose to stay around to be able to take care of things.

I must've looked like i'm giving myself excuses. But believe me, i for one, hate to mention my own shudda-woudda-couddas. But well, in the end, living life to the fullest is very subjective. At least thats what i want to think. :)

Backtrack

2008-08-30T23:44:00.001+08:00

"Mistakes are fun, mistakes are what makes life beautiful"

anonymous, The Evening

*see i like to take quotes too :P

post site name change

2008-08-24T18:24:00.001+08:00

i was indecisive... changed name a few times....just cant seem to find a proper one..

but i guess this is the last time...hopefully...

yoroshiku!

Lame Fame

2008-08-22T14:52:00.003+08:00

I don't understand

why people search for quotes to put into their shoutbox, blogs or msn.

You can't think of anything else?

Being original doesn't mean you'd have to copy.rite?

and having quotes doesn't really show that you're smart.

just plain vain.

sigh..

I just dont get it.

Be yet wiser

2008-08-13T21:05:00.004+08:00

Knowing the "me" now, one could never imagine how i'd look like back then. I couldn't find any pictures but, things were clearly on a whole different scale back then.

I for one, hates to lose. I was a sore loser. And from a not so good background; without proper English fluency; I was an outcast. Even among the chinese kids. I couldn't even properly communicate with them. If you must know, i was the only chinese back then in my primary school. I 'd spend most of my time in the library. Reading books by Isaac Asimov , Enid Blyton, The Hardy Boys series and more.

So you can guess how'd i looked like.

Then this geek entered a premier school.."Victoria Institution". Which in my opinion, is still the best high school there is. It was not the Golden Age of the school, but we were clearly still shining . I joined clubs just so that i could mix in even though communicating remains a problem. Inspiration come pouring from spirited looking seniors; loud-snobbish-prefects and students among me that seemed to own the classroom.

Those words, mottos and principles still stays in my head, a reminder of days before and days ahead. PODIUS(Punctual , Obey, Dedication, Initiative, Unity ,Suggestions), the school song, and "Be yet wiser".

Give a wise man instructions and he'll be yet wiser. These words really did mold me into a scholar, sportsman and gentleman. I am grateful that i entered such prestigious school.

biased?

2008-08-10T13:36:00.003+08:00

i don't understand why people always tried to justify their wrongdoings.

but when it comes to ours' they just can't help bad-mouthing; forcing their words into our mouths and force-implement their beliefs into our minds.

sometimes they can be really innovative. Contradicting themselves, twisting words and creating stories.

haha, i took 30 minutes to write this entry. By the time its done, my anger subsided.

so,just let it be..

think twice?

2008-07-20T13:08:00.003+08:00

There is just one thing about having a large pool of friends.

There's the gaming group, there's the talking group, there's the clubbing group and etc etc.

If you think i like to categorize my friends, i beg to differ.

While it remains a fact that we can't possibly please everyone,

i tried to.

So sometimes instead of using my own sweet time to relax and reenergize myself for the coming class; assignments; quizzes; test and projects of various sizes ;

i went out of my way and just spend time with precious friends.

But then again there are times when i'd loved to join them but just can't seem able to.

And then comes the ever-missed-sentences like and i quote, "Aww, come on..just one day..", "Everyone is expecting you...", "...but i'm just back for a couple of days/weeks etc etc...".

Those words pushes me closer to the edge of reason, nearly toppling over.

I know friends loved it when i'd make a compromise or when i tried to be understanding.

But has it ever happened the other way round?

So the next thing you know is, friendship turns sour.

Talks became arguments and so on..

*this entry has come to a point where i dont know how to continue.. hahaa...i'm just busy this time of the year. I hope you all will be more understanding :)

Blue days and birthdays...

2008-07-15T13:25:00.004+08:00

3 of my friends had their birthdays yesterday. I'd only manage to attend one of them. But that makes me think. It's weird how people these days celebrate birthdays with their friends instead of with their mothers. While your mom nurtured you in her belly for nine months and had the excruciating hours of labor just to bring you this world as perfect as you can be.

Now that we've grown up; we tend to ignore her.
Shout at her,
get irritated when she nags.

While her love is never-ending, our love towards them are momentary. We love her when she buys us things. We love her when she understand that we need money.

So tell me again why one should not celebrate their birthday with their mom? :)

No offence :)

2008-07-13T19:22:00.002+08:00

I was once told that rain is a symbolic thing to happen.

If it rains on a sunny day, something big is happening or bound to happen.

If it rains snow on June, it means someone innocent is judged for something he didn't do.

If its drizzling, the sky is feeling down.

If its thunderstorm, the act of god is being done.

If its raining cats and dogs,

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

it's just the MONSOON.

XDDDDDD

1,2 and counting..

2008-07-02T17:41:00.002+08:00

I think it's pretty fair to say that life is never easy in general. I mean, here we are in a balanced country with enough food and no war. Isn't that enough?

Maybe life is really easy. Since we spend much of its time making mistakes. There's a saying, "Making mistakes makes us human". That however is true to a certain extent. Avoidable mistakes however is never counted. Back to the story, i believe making mistakes will steer us to the right direction.

Remember when we first started walking.

Remember when we first started talking.

Remember when we first started loving.

Remember when we stopped caring.

Memories of mistakes will forever stay in our mind. I remember making mistakes and end up losing friends. I'm not proud of it. But nothing can be done if i keep looking back. Pray for the best and be strong as we take each step forward to the unknown.

Answers..

2008-06-17T03:53:00.000+08:00

Just like I always I come back alone
inserting the key and opening the door
“Welcome” you say
greeting me with the obligatory
faint embrace

Because I’m afraid of pain
I always turn away my eyes and run
But everytime I smell your scent
I unconsciously turn myself around

If I asume that there’s an answer that can’t be seen
I’ll asume that the warmth of your arms won’t fade
“I love you” you say, and softly kiss my cheek
That night, we promises each other eternity

Drops of light scatter on
our big empty canvas
So many things we always planned to do
but we’ve put none of our plans to action

If we get too buzy with life
one day we’ll no longer even see the sky
As I look up at the starry sky and stretch
out my hand, I can’t stop my tears from flowing

If I asume that there’s an answer that can’t be seen
I’ll asume that my mornings with you won’t fade
“I love you” you say, and softly cuddle with me
That day, we promises each other eternity

Should I be happy, that when I walked away I
stopped when your voice went coarse as you called me?
Regret is nothing but darkness
and every time I turn away from it

If I asume that there’s an answer that can’t be seen
I’ll asume that it won’t fade
Through an open window, I see the sun
and I close my eyes as it warms my shivering shoulders
And without noticing it, I found my answer...

Our own fairy tale

2008-06-14T23:27:00.003+08:00

Beautiful dawn. Birds flying high and low. As if they're enjoying the same view as you are. Clouds passing seamlessly. You feel your body float into the air ; getting high. It's hard to believe how things can make you feel such way.

The same way how fairy tales used to make you feel that the world is simple enough for a seven years old to understand. The happily ever after; the good always triumphs over evil and how the tortoise finally beats the hare. Fairy tales have beautifully painted our sight of the world with colors that we have yet to understand back then. Believing that there'll always be an elf at the end of the rainbow with a large pot of golds.

And then came puberty. It is as if life actually started there. As soon as puberty strikes, childhood memories of fairy tales no longer matters as how it used to be. Suddenly the world is on your shoulder. Emotions running wild. Childhood ambitions tainted with growing adolescent's pain. The pains of being not accepted. The pains of needing attention. The pains of needing acknowledgment.

It might not be enough to summarize teenage life with merely 2 paragraphs. Through the those painful teenage years, we grow into someone we barely know. Fueled with ambitions to create our own tale knowing that snow white never wakes up from the kiss with the prince.

The Inconvenient Sibling

2008-06-09T11:32:00.008+08:00

Sometimes, as if having an irritating elder brother is not enough; he has to be super insecure and more so likes to show that he's in charge.

He has to own a big car. Even if it means he's gonna pay a whole lot more petrol money.

He gets to keep the room and the comp that used to belong to the family.

He gets aways when he tough talk in the beginning but chickened out in the end.

and the worse of all, he had to INSTALL a bloody firewall in the server that we used for internet at home that filters most of the page i visits.

Ok it's not porn. But this got to be one helluva firewall; friendsters was banned and labelled as PORN... =.=" ...

Onemanga was labelled as portugese porn.. =.="""""

Even crunchyroll was labelled as inappropriate...

Siblings rivalry? This is pretty much one-sided.

My life had just turned into a living hell.

Changes and checkers..

2008-06-03T13:27:00.002+08:00

the very fact of being in the past irks me.

as we all know, nobody is free of mistakes. Even god. I'm no atheist although i think you can assume i am one with this entry of mine.

some of you might know, my past isn't exactly the most colorful one. This might come as a serious surprise to you both new and old readers. There's things i tell to everyone but not in details, while the details are usually kept for good and close friends.

i am always miserable. not the drama queen type but yeah. The thing i know about being miserable is that you'll never be able to see the good side of things that well. Talk about being an optimist.

people do say that aquarians are particularly peculiar. I disagree. it's not the fact that i am an aquarian , mr Holmes. . =.= "

but then again as what House would say, "People don't change".

Would you suggest that he is right?

Messages

2008-05-11T00:16:00.003+08:00

It came when you least expect it to,

surprised,

You replied to it earnestly,

hoping that it would return again,

when it doesn't,

You wonder whether she's busy,

or if she's in the middle of something,

You bring your phone everywhere with you,

to the bathroom,

to the kitchen,

on your bedside,

You check the phone's reception,

wonder around the place to get the signal,

hoping that it would come again to draw a smile in your face.

Wait..Chotto..

2008-05-07T14:57:00.002+08:00

Chotto...

Well it's kinda like a gimmick for me. I meant to say "Wait".

For the past 4 months, my life has been nothing but routine.

I wake up early in the morning,
i go to classes,
i eat,
i come home,
i revise and laze around,
i eat again,
and then sleep.

that is the only way i could describe my mundane life to you. I can't say it was slow,rather it was quite a fast life to me. Possibly i've grown fond of routine. No more excitement, no more last minute trip planning, and no more sudden rush for short term excitement aka movies, or outings.

what is so wrong with liking the life i had?

personally i think nothing WAS wrong. It was until i realize, somehow living in routine makes my days pass by even faster that being in constant excitement. I theorize that this was possible as a mundane life doesn't have much things to remember about. Hence, without memorizing the past, the present seems to move so much faster. Brilliant eh?

And then it comes to point where i felt that, having no memories of my youth is in no way a good thing. I can't agree that it's monotonous as it was goal oriented. I'd like to call it lacking of spice. Yeah, that's it. I need to spice up my life in various ways.

Spices anyone?

and it's another new holiday :)

2008-04-27T16:35:00.003+08:00

fair enough...time to get started on thing i've been planning to do..

1) travel ?
- i'm never sure about this....the thing is..the idea has always been around but
$$ is a problem.. =P

2) books?
- this is a certain thing...cause i have 4 books on the shelf that was left
untouched since February..

3) Misc?
- like organising my room again, preparing for my final project, comtemplating
on buying a new pc, buff up...hahaha...

4) work?
- i'd really love to...$$$ ... but i'd prefer short term work, eg . event
based..better money ... and can enjoy hols better

how? how???

Steamboat

2008-04-07T03:04:00.003+08:00

There is to a certain extent when i am so bored that i would eat just to get the high out of it.

At first, it seemed to be a brilliant solution as sugary food is mostly cheap and easily available.

And then it got worse when sugar is no longer able to provide me the necessary drive to keep me going.

That's when i turn to cooking.

I started cooking myself as a way to satisfy my cravings for food; actually, good food.

Is that something bad , one might wonder?

Not necessarily.

As to what i see from it, i'm the only one who benefits from it.

I get to learn how to cook from my self-driven determination.

I was able to cook simple chinese food, pastas, sandwiches and i even learned

how to make steamboats.

But then again,who eats steamboat alone?

Tanks and Banks

2008-03-31T23:08:00.002+08:00

As most readers have realize now, i don't usually nag about what happen to me on my blog on daily basis. Haha. Partly cause i know no one will read about it and also cause i didn't think it's a wise thing to tell other people about my own bitter misery. In other words, come here and read about my emotional rants instead of my problems. Wahaha...

But hey sometimes i write about happy stuff too. Sometimes it occurred to me that a guy writing emotional blog is girlish. But don-care-lah. Call me girlish or whatever, you'll know me if you KNOW me. I don't really mind. Instead of putting up a tough guy look i'd rather just be a normal guy.

I remember back when i was still in primary, i had this weird wish.

I WANNA GROW UP to be a NORMAL GUY.

WTFBBQ rite?

Maybe it was because i'm the only chinese boy in the school and the school head prefect. People tend to have high expectation on me, even teachers think i would grow up to be an elite. I remember getting As in exams was effortless. I practically didn't study at all, except for UPSR of course.

And when i enter VI, i think my wish was granted. Everyone there was exceptionally good at some or various things. Some are smart, some are StreetSmart, some are naturally good in sports and most of them can really speak their mind out; in ENGLISH. Haha..okay i wasn't born into an English speaking family, only my Dad were able to speak the Queens language. I don't spend much, i practically never been to Sg.Wang back then and the only people i've ever mixed with was Malays and Indians and of course some Sarawakians. Chinese kids were aliens to me.

Some were dumbfounded as i speak Malays fluently instead of Cantonese or Mandarin. I finally felt small, helpless, and NORMAL.

That was when i really work my ass off to be EXTRAORDINARY.

Three Fork Enigma

2008-03-25T13:03:00.002+08:00

what do you think it means?
Tell me....

Separating Worlds..

2008-03-20T22:41:00.002+08:00

There's a whole other world inside of me now, full of words no one can hear.

Someone once told me, you don't have to be afraid of this feeling.

One way or another, if you can feel it; you might as well reveal it.

Life has it's own way of getting back to you.

Tomorrow it might all be taken away.

The way of life itself is simple.

Eat when you're hungry,

Sleep when you're sleepy.

That's where the essence of life lies in.

one knows...

2008-03-13T01:02:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it's about realizing things a step too late.

Sometimes it's about being in the moment without losing into yourself.

Sometimes it takes more than a reminder to stay by the edge without falling down.

Sometimes....

or rather most of the time i tend to lose myself in the moment and realise something things just a tad bit too late.

the view from the other side of the moon

2008-03-07T21:53:00.003+08:00

it has been 3 months and 21 days since. The week before, i had a feeling that something is happening. She won't return my calls, not even messages, she kept saying she was busy and never even called me a single time in that week..

then one fateful day, i've decided to call her. After a long dialing tone, she picked up. I said hey , how are you doing? she replied in the most reluctant way i've ever heard saying she's sick and what is it that i want to talk about. i asked her why hasn't she returned my call or my messages. After a turn of dilly- dallying, she said i was being inconsiderate to be asking that when she's sick. Then conversation ended pretty much after that.

A few hours later, i decided to go out and shop for some groceries. A sudden thought of kindness brought me into the bakery nearby. I remembered she likes those funny looking breads from this bakery. Promptly i heads to her place thinking that i could surprise with the breads. Somehow i had a weird feeling that this is gonna be the last time i'll be seeing her.

Reaching her place, i gave her a call. Again with the agitated sound she asked me what's up. I asked, are you hungry? Before she could reply i said i'm outside your house with the funny looking bread that you like. Her tone immediately changed and she immediately asked me to come up. In her place, everything that left me feeling comfortable the very last time i was there are now giving me the idea that i'm not invited.

after a few short conversation, she finally said, she can't keep meeting me anymore. That one sentence immediately broke my heart into pieces again. The pieces i spend so much time picking up and putting them back together. At that very moment, i finally realize why was it that i can't forget her. Why did i spend so much time forgetting the very thing that i intended to forget in the first place. It came to me in the form of enlightenment. I was in love with her memories.

this entry has been altered in a few ways to protect my privacy. However, my very feeling on the things that had happened was clearly portrayed. I am finally over you. Please do not call me again. I hope whatever you're doing and whoever you're doing it with; you're happy and it doesn't concerns me.

Loose Lips Sink Ships

2008-02-22T22:50:00.003+08:00

It was said that the phrase "loose lips sink ships" actually originated from the time of WWII when supposedly if the wrong information reached the wrong side of the war, ships will sink.

Well in my case, 'loose lips' actually meant actions that was done without proper consideration of it's consequences while 'sink ships' in this case is severing the relationship between people.

Not as serious as it was back then rite? :)

put the world on your shoulder..

2008-02-18T21:36:00.003+08:00

Figuratively..having the world on your shoulder is not something we should take lightly.

At the very first moment that the word "world" enters our mind, we start to imagine something....

....BIG...
....HEAVY....

and a few other words that might be associated to it. And then comes "on your shoulder..".

Suddenly it's hard to move on.

Suddenly, life is not all about freedom.

Suddenly, everything has turned complicated.

Suddenly being yourself is totally unrelated to JUST being yourself.

AND suddenly, you feel the need to change.

To change into someone that is able to wield the task.

Undaunted, you held on..

Breathe easy...

if life is easy...then there's nothing in it that is worth remembering...

My 22nd Birthday

2008-02-18T12:57:00.002+08:00

I guess for this time of the year, the word "wow" is an understatement to describe how my birthday was celebrated. Let's see

1) I went out with Lam, Whye Kit, Yong Han, Chin Hoong on 3rd of February for movie n lunch at Secret Recipe which they got me a slice of cake. Bwahaha...that made my day honestly :)

2)On 4th, Theen Yoong, Chin fei, Calvin and Ken visited me at night. Thanks Chinfei for the dinner. :) They got me a shirt...which i have not taken the photograph yet. Truth to be told, again it's was a great gift. Thanks alot guyss!!!

3) 5th! Zi zi came back and he got me a Guitar tuner!!!!! unexpected but felt kinda guilty cuz i told him i wanted one(i was joking of course...) . Anyhow thanks and thanks again!

It has never occurred to me that celebrating birthdays with close friends and besties are of so much fun.

I'll always remember the stuffs that you guys gave me and the idea of celebrating it with me.

:)

Beyond repair..

2008-02-01T00:46:00.000+08:00

Life is like a piece of white canvas.

When I started, I wanted all sorts of colorful things in it.

Somehow, somewhere along the way,

I got too comfortable using just one color.

Using it to draw different things.

When it doesn't turn out nice,

I'd choose another spot,

and draw all over again.

By the time i realized what's happening,

Half of the canvas is already filled with the only one color

I've been using.

It's broken beyond repair.

Befitting of how my life is to me now.

The thought that's not getting through

2008-01-31T13:46:00.000+08:00

I dislike expressing myself in the wrong way.

I dislike telling everyone how i feel and what i've done that day.

I've grown to hate myself less.

I've grown to think that things will eventually unfold itself to me.

I've grown to pretend that i don't care.

I've grown to deny sayings like " things will happen if they're meant to be".

I've grown to believe that you have to work for what you want in life.

I've experience loving someone.

I've lived my past few years waiting for someone.

I've learnt that even though I've been there, it doesn't necessarily means I'm the one.

I've gone through being ignored.

I've gone through being paid attention to.

I've experience giving my love to the one person i love only to be broken next.

I know until this part in this entry, you'll probably think i need help.

I know until this part in this entry, no one is reading it still.

I know for fact that loving doesn't necessarily means being loved back.

If time would turn around, i would rather live a life of solitude.

If time would turn around, i would pay attention to what's more important to me.

If time would turn for ME, i wished that someone would always listen to me

instead of me just simply ranting to everyother 'someone'.

I agree that everyone can talk all about their shoulda-woulda-couldas.

Even Me.

I've got over waiting for that someone.

I'm glad that i did.

Life is so much larger in so doing.

I guess i WAS in love with your MEMORY.

Spell it out plain..

2008-01-14T11:17:00.000+08:00

I was born to tell you 'i love you'. Isn't that a song already?

Let's pretend we're alone.

Tell me , tell me why you think that you're 'invincible',

you'll never know what lies ahead,

i can be anyone or anything,

please don't tell me

i'm the only that's 'vulnerable',

impossible.

...These few days, in fact for the past few weeks things have been pretty stagnant. ...

Okay let me rephrase that.

For the past few weeks, things haven't been moving real fast. I wouldn't say that it's because things are dull and colorless lest it's slow. NO.

I personally not sure about why it is so. In physics, we're taught that everything happens for a reason. And for that reason, we'll find a proper solution and hence the appropriate answer on why is it so.

I guess LIFE isn't PHYSICS. LIFE prefer to leave things unanswered. The usual saying will be that things will slowly uncover itself. GOD and his mysterious ways.

That leaves me feeling uninspired.

Apo????

2007-12-29T16:40:00.000+08:00

Waking up, i feel refreshed and somewhat energized by the mere 7 hours of sleep. I walk to the kitchen and realized breakfast is already done. Eggs and bacons with toasts that are slightly burned and a glass of hot chocolate. I quickly sat down and took a sip. Ahh.....it's exactly how i've always wanted my breakfast to be.

After cleaning up and got ready for class, i took my car keys and headed straight to my car. I slot in the keys and turned. Walla, the engine started straight at the first turn. Feeling great about the air as it rained yeasterday, i press the window button on my side. All of a sudden, the thing jammed up.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

There goes my day. Skipped class.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

In and out of the mind

2007-12-23T19:53:00.000+08:00

Holidays. The mere mention of the word draws a smile to the anyone that is listening. It is the time when one plans a holiday with their loved ones. When one plans to go through with their projects in mind. Also when one finally decided to clean out their room. As for me, i never really liked holidays.

Ever since i could remember myself hating holidays, i have always been a one man circus. I'm here , i'm there, i'm up and i'm down there. I've never managed to stay at one place. Never did i manage to inspire anyone to be wanting to spend their time with me. It is possible that this is starting to sound corny to you, but sometimes, somehow we, needs someone who cares. Be it a friend, family or someone you love.

Never an inspirational person myself as i've realized since high school, i've gone through things one could never had imagine i would. I remember yesterday night when i was out with my close friend for a quick chat at a mamak stall, he said,

" I like all these's interesting stuffs you're telling me man. "

I was kinda baffled for a moment but i sort of let it go. That really left a question mark in my head. Never did i imagined myself being that way. But i guess friends have their own way to depicts each other. That's what friends are for is it not?

Having a friend when you're totally alone on holidays is definitely a friend you're keeping indeed. Things could be worse. Imagine being together with someone just because your peers put you up for a bet. Would it last? It's a definite thing that it would certainly leave a scar.

However i believe the main question is, is she really still be in or out of your mind?

The Mood

2007-12-20T18:52:00.001+08:00

The weather today did a perfect job in describing how i've been feeling lately. It was raining cats and dogs since the afternoon until...maybe tonight.

Never saw it coming..

2007-12-19T19:53:00.000+08:00

To be honest...i'm a pretty easy going guy. As my blog header suggest, i will only be stubborn when i find the need to be so.

And yea...i'm currently on the sad side of Kuala Lumpur.

Where all the mud coagulate and forms brittle rocks that might go down anytime soon.

The Sad side of the Happy River. Get the picture?

picking up the pieces never felt this hard.

i've never thought the same rock can hurt the same bird, TWICE.

Memories of the past

2007-12-19T15:02:00.000+08:00

People. I can't stop thinking about how different people can be. There's black, yellow, and white and maybe even brown. There's rich there's poor and there's average. There's people born with talent and there's not and there's those which their only talent is hard working. There's tall , short and of course again average. Maybe i should just stop right here to avoid boring you.

My point is, why are all these people spending so much precious time to differentiate each other. Why would we not say we're all just humans? After a gazillion years of evolution ; and this is what we get? A few hundreds of years to come, we might even have different types of ........ ..... we already differentiated every single thing we own. Different types of plants, different type of mangoes, different type of chinese, different type of human psychology even!

And different people with different past as well.

The past as we all call it, is sometime misunderstood as experience. Some might consider it as burden. I guess there's a ghost of the past in everybody's life. The ghost that comes back and haunts you whenever you've finally manage to relieve yourself out of it.

Someone once told me, and i quote, "...to live in the past is not a good way of moving on. To live in the future is not a way to forget the past. To live in the present is the best way to accept, and relieve the past and prepare to take on the future...". And that really made my day.

2007-11-15T13:12:00.000+08:00

It's baffling how people can be so divided at times. One moment they like vanilla, the other moment they'll be liking chocolate. "People change..", a common excuse. For better or worse, i hope things are working for you.

Hard to let go...

2007-11-13T14:21:00.000+08:00

When we were young, most of us will certainly hope and pray to grow up faster. Birthday wishes like , "I wanna be 18 tomorrow.." ,"I wanna be 30 and have a superb career... " and so on. I on the other hand wished that i could be like the other normal kids.

Born in a mediocre family, i have 2 sisters and a brother with a gap of 4 years. As this sounds normal to you, it's not to me. All of my cousins, mark my word ALL of them are older than me by at least 4 years. It's like, i'm always the outcast. Alone. Being treated as the odd one out. I hate this feeling. In addition to the fact that when everyone else is already working, i'm the only one still in university.

This is really not the matter. But in a way, it has molded me into someone i don't aspire to be. A loner, inarticulate , and most of all emotionally disconnected. I'm starting to think whether i'm getting BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Then there's this relationship problems. Haihs.. Sometimes when i think about it, am I lying to myself? Is this relationship going somewhere? I've had like few brief relationships that i'm not proud to tell. It kinda destroys the self esteem. And there's this one.

Sigh. From Meet Joe Black ...

William Parrish: It's hard to let go, isn't it?
Joe Black: Yes it is, Bill.
William Parrish: And that's life... what can I tell you.

Dare to say it? No i dont.

2007-11-05T18:31:00.001+08:00

wow....now that i'm reading my past entries...i realised i was far too emotional...haha....if anyone is reading my blog they'll know :) i happen to lashed out sometimes....just have to wait for the right moment :)

Happiness?

2007-10-26T21:53:00.000+08:00

Being happy is overrated. Happiness ; An agreeable feeling or condition of the soul arising from good fortune or propitious happening of any kind; the possession of those circumstances or that state of being which is attended with enjoyment; the state of being happy; contentment; joyful satisfaction; felicity; blessedness. It was stated being happy, one uses less muscle and hence less energy than being sad or something similar.

Somehow this type of emotional joy always eluded me. Not that i didn't try. I mean, to be happy somehow somewhere means you should either had the feeling of being cared, being remembered and also being remembered as some"one".

I used to think this is true. To some unlucky individuals out there, i am just a mess. An ignorant fool who didn't know his own place in his own small world. While to some really good people out there, i'm a caring friend, honest and compassionate about the things he wants and about to do. These are what i used to believe in. Alright i'm not free of mistakes as well. I did my own share of mistakes that probably change the whole list of my friends. Ending up having only a few. A few that might really remembers me that is.

I suppose shan't dwell in this depression mood. I should at least try to lie to my emotionless blog that i'm happy. Typing in my cold , undivided room all alone.

a long long time....

2007-10-16T13:17:00.000+08:00

there's just something about me that can't make myself stop doing a certain thing or some things. For example;

1) i will never get enough of sweet stuffs. ( ABC, Kuih's , )

2) badminton (doubles or singles)

3) games (pcs or ps)

4) reading (haha...unexpected? only on those which highlights serial n notorious killers)

and a whole lot more~!

i won't try to bore you with all those silly details.

Someone once asked me; why are you still single? This is such a lifeless question but i answer it anyways (i'm such a GG = good guy :) ). And i said "i grew tired of loving..." sarcastically of course.

Much to my amazement, we end up talking the whole night about the why's and what's that causes me to say so. One of the "why" according to her is that someone hurt me so much that i got scared of loving. LoLs. To be honest, these type of stuff are really not in my head everyday. So i don't bother much. But when i got home and all alone; it got me thinking, am I really afraid of loving someone? i wonder.......

what would you do...

2007-09-18T22:46:00.000+08:00

what would you do if..

you know about something you shouldn't have known,

something serious, that you think may change the whole course of,

this one person's lifetime?

And to make it more serious, it involves another person as well..

let's just say it's about this 2 person.

And it's kinda hard to let it pass,

cause you know this person,

and also cause it would really help to ease out,

the other persons pain?

sigh...i hate being someone who knew...

talk about payback..

2007-08-30T16:45:00.001+08:00

somehow this topic reminds me of the catchy phrase used by Arnie in Terminator 1, "I'll be back..".

talk about classic villains catchy phrase...

but then when you think about it, it sort of reminds me of karma as well.

What comes around goes around.

it's payback time !

Help....

2007-08-19T10:27:00.001+08:00

.... :( ......i need help.....

You've got a friend

2007-08-08T23:10:00.000+08:00

I had a friend,

If you must know,

it's not necessary whether it's a she or he,

but as i've said,

i had a friend,

whom i treat as a normal friend,

we went out together more than a few times,

we talked and we clicked,

sometimes we even gossiped on which girl is hot or,

which girl is not.

more than anything,

we can talk to each other.

it was already my intention to stay FRIENDS,

if YOU must know,

i'm not trying to do anything to YOU,

even after YOU called me out in the middle of the night,

telling me how heartbroken YOU are with this guy or that guy,

more than just a few times,

and i know,

since YOU called me out,

the least i had to do is console.

there were even times when i was about to have a paper,

and YOU called me,

wanting to meet,

and talk about the heartaching scene,

and how hard was it for YOU.

if YOU must know again,

i'm strictly confining myself in the friend line,

and i'm not complaining about hearing your bad days.

It's just that after all that,

YOU simply disappear into the crowds,

suddenly becoming busy all the time,

even when i had my bad days.

It's true that things don't always work both ways,

but at least i thought we were FRIENDS.

DID i crossed the line somewhere somehow,

without noticing?

As i've said again,

I HAD A FRIEND.

The talks - continue

2007-07-26T21:36:00.000+08:00

Okayss back to the story, small talks.

It comes to my realization that nobody tries to do so these days. I on the contrary, likes to make small talks. Especially to strangers. I'm not trying to genuinely impress them, it's just that i thought it's a good thing that u try to reach out to people. Now, when i say small talks it doesn't necessarily means you should simply talk to people about craps that doesn't matter and doesn't fit into the picture.

The scene of a talkative guy doesn't seem cool and machoish. Fussy, girlish and bla bla bla. That's what usually people say. I wouldn't say i don't care about what they say bluntly; i do care. So since the very first time i heard such remarks, i've been trying to redirect the enthusiasm to another place. Channel it to blogging. HAHAHAA...

The talks

2007-07-26T17:54:00.000+08:00

Avoiding the special issue that made me angry in the previous entry, i'm now stuck in the blardy faculty of computer science. The weather supposed to be nice, since it rained daily. I had good night sleep; if you're wondering. haha. That's all that matters to me actually.

The idea of being able to make small talks between people around you sometimes deemed to be important. Oppss. class starting. be right back tonight.

The Harder the shell, the softer the content.

2007-07-24T21:43:00.000+08:00

I feel the anger building inside me. I'm not entirely sure why i am angry.

Sometimes i just burst, sometimes i keep it in,

sometimes i just smile, sometimes i laugh it away,

but most of the time i just keep it to myself.

I dunno if it's me,

But i can't stand it anymore.

Internet Age

2007-07-23T22:12:00.000+08:00

This is what's happening to our society. Downloads,downloads and more downloads. Why bother buying the original CDs when u can download them? Why bother buying notes on "How to sweet talk a lady into your bed?" when you can download them? hehe. Kidding.

On a more serious matter, i realize the word download is more commonly used today rather than the word buying. No statistics, just what i thought. What will you think when your kids ask u the same questions as above in the future?

Updates, updates, Read all about it!

2007-07-22T22:58:00.000+08:00

First things first, i didn't get to change my course which equals to me working super hard this semester. When i mean super, i meant......super. XDD

But heck, i'm still gonna blog. I hope.

Moving on, picture taking is really getting into me. How should i say this, i'm starting to take more and more pictures. Even ants! (i'll find some time to upload it from my camera). But, fear not my friends. I'm still sane.

Hehe. Since Zi-Zi is back, i guess i'll try to find some time to teman him. Haha.

Blind Confusion

2007-07-11T15:11:00.000+08:00

I know i can be kind of a nag sometimes, but i suppose i can't help not letting everyone knows what i meant. If you did not know, i had issues with miscommunication or misunderstandings. So out of habit, i tend to try and explain myself a lot. It's a pretty troublesome habit. I know.

However surprised i am to horror movies (haha..this reminds me of watching 'Alone' with zi zi) to the point where i squeezed my coke nonchalantly spilling it on my pants in the cinema; it will never be the same as when a person start asking me for my help.

Now i know it sounds weird that i'm super surprised when Help is asked from me instead of being offered to me. When it comes to that point, usually i will clarify the 'unsub' before agreeing. If the 'unsub' is a favor, i'll be more than happy to help that's if and only if ; you're a friend. xD If it's money, then you'll be in deep SH**.

Due to some unhappy experience that i've witnessed first hand, i tend to be very particular on this matter. I'll ask how much do you need, why do you need it and why is it a must that you borrow that amount of money. Then i'll tell you that yes i can lend it to you but not without any terms. XDDDDDDDD

Think twice before getting any money from me. :)

Duality

2007-07-04T14:45:00.000+08:00

I've always believe in dualism. My view is that the world consist of 2 very important entity, which two? Good or evil? The light or dark? I'm beginning to feel that i'm speaking like Master Yoda.

Understand me, you don't.

This picture here is of one of the famous character of Final Fantasy X- Anima. If you were to observe closely, the one above is chained with the shell like cage, both of the hands are taped permanently to the body, and another extra pair of hands strangling the neck with chains. The chains are probably locked with a religious looking amulet; possibly Jesus. Excruciating pain is shown and it's sort of like it's screaming to get out of this condition.

While the one below is the total opposite. The most significant difference is the hands. It is held out, showing the ringed fingers and bracelets. He seems to be either laughing or screaming with joy. All these shows the characteristic of arrogance, competitiveness, and self absorbing attitudes.

The fact that they are joined together shows that they share the same body. This might sound incredibly simple to you. However this fact shows that it is capable of being both figure at anytime and anywhere. Describing it generally, i think the one above sort of shows the restrictions and taboos in life that one must obey. It also tells me about the responsibility of that one must bear and how religion plays an important part in it. While the one below is what we can always see from the society today. People wanting to be rich, rebellious and free. Materialistic and all sorts of fetishes.

Hence, the picture depicts that one should be in the balance of both sides, while being responsible does not necessarily means we should neglect our own needs to be pampered. Taking out the best of both sides works. But not for everyone.

picture courtesy of Brazilian_Ninja@ DeviantArt.

The Hunch

2007-06-29T19:28:00.001+08:00

If my memory serves me right, i have been taking photos for everyone else in various occasions ever since i know how to hold a camera. To tell the truth, it's mainly due to the fact that i think i will ruin the photo. Get what i mean? XD it's true, i was like a hippopotamus , both literal and figurative meaning. Boy was i unhappy about it back then.

Well things haven't not change much even now. I still like taking photos. The reason is still there but merely affect how i feel. I don't really care much these days. Being judged is not the way i want things to be but sometimes you can't help having the feeling of being so. Hypocritical? Not a good choice of words but yeah, it happens in our very society. Alright end of sad, nostalgic memories.

This is my dog. Took it with my camera. Duh. Enjoy :)

If Pictures Could Speak...

2007-06-27T22:34:00.000+08:00

I like this photo. It tells me something about me.

Creative Zen Stone - Shuffle Killa (Review)

2007-06-23T22:30:00.000+08:00

As most of you had known, i am sort of a techgeek ; in the 'cool' way. Enough said. :)

Creative Zen Stone had just reached the Malaysian tech market few days back. Priced at approximately RM 169 for 1 GB , it can be considered as one of the cheapest yet latest mp3 player to date. Since i was not paid by my ex-company to do the review, i had to get the mp3 player myself. :( So disappointing. But well, i have been considering for an mp3 player for quite some time. So without further delay,

This is what comes together in the box set. A mini usb cable, standard 3.5mm jack earphones, the shining Zen Stone and Quick Start Manual.

Darn, Creative can be soo stingy at times. The mini usb cable is just a few millimeters longer than my liquid correction pen.

The top of the Zen Stone. From left, that's the port for 3.5 mm jack. The button for folder skipping, replay and shuffle. And finally a small small hole for the reset function.

And that's the mini usb port. As u can see, the Zen Stone doesn't feel plastic at all despite being made fully of them. The cover however is prone to dust and finger prints. By all means it should be kept in a small bag or you can buy the sports strap, key chain or the rubber cover later when it's in the market.

I'm sort of surprised myself when got it. It's so small you can barely feel the weight.

The quality of music is what to be expected from Creative. A good amount of bass, sufficient treble and high-lows. I gave these few songs a try with the bundled headphones,

1. Cupid Chokehold - Gym Class Heroes
2. The Moment - Kenny G
3. Last Train Home - Lostprophet
4. Dance Dance - FOB
5. Wait for you - Elliot Yamin

And all of them sound great, but with a little tolerance with the base. All in all, the music quality is great.

Conclusion
This is a good attempt by the people in Creative to beat Apple's grasp in mp3 players. At least with Ipod Shuffle. With the price tag of RM169 , it's definitely a good choice for beginner and fashion conscious alike.

Professionalism

2007-06-22T20:47:00.000+08:00

My last post was quite a gloomy one. I realized that sometimes i should just skip the ugly details of my life from this blog which i did not do in the last blog. So from now on, i will just keep 'some' of the details to myself and keep this blog as professional as i could. (laughing in background) XDD

I was at the post office for the whole day today. Just to settle some mail and bills. I actually planned to stay there for just an hour seeing how our ministry was bragging about upgrading the services by paying more wages to the government servant. If you think one hour is long, let me tell you about today first.

As i entered the building, there were few seats without people on it with numbered tickets waiting to be announced by that efficient digital voice. "Satu tiga empat dua..". I promptly press the ticket machine and my jaw dropped when i see the number i got. "Satu tiga sembilan sembilan" ! I was like 'OMFGBBQ" . That means there are 56 people more to go! Then i checked the time and the counters. There is only 2 operating counters. It 12.02 pm aka Friday prayers time. No wonder la.

Irked by the scene, i decided to take my brunch at Old Town and stayed there for 2 hours. Zzzzzzzzzzz. When i came back to the post office, it was almost deserted. And there are 4 open counters, only 2 are operating while the other 2 are sitting there chatting. Lucky me, everything was fast. But the scene was a sight of sore eyes. Talk about professionalism. Heh.

p/s : i have in no whatsoever grudges against anyone in this post, just plain opinions. I don't hate our government :)

Hello everybody!

2007-06-21T21:28:00.000+08:00

After struggling for a few days, i finally managed to get this done. This is my new and final blog!

Nothing much cause i'm really not a super-duper-bombastic-dramatic blogger. The realization of this blog comes after a near life and death experience. No, i'm not joking. I was suspected to have inherited some sort of cancer from my dad as i had the same gall bladder pain that my dad had way before he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

Alright, nothing emotional. Turned out i was cleared out as the check up turned out fine. (for now maybe.) So for that whole week (when i was waiting for my stupid medical check up) , i had my time to do some serious thinking. About what i wanted to do, about what i'm doing and about what i planned to do.

I wanted to travel, take photos of them and enjoy the various culture of the world.

So far so good. I don't intend to make my very first post to be gloomy. Actually it helps me to decide on somethings. So keep on reading~!